I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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