Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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