eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
