I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
