if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
