Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
