if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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