Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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