he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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