Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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