the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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