i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
