So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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