Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
