I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
