I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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