yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize