Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
