I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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