the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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