end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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