I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize