Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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