There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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