I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
