Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm too high and old for this...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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