is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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