I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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