My first STD was from a foam party
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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