at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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