Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
