I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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