The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
