Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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