nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
