I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
