smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
