you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
