I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
