she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
