More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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