i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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