some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
