I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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