Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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