My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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