she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
