I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize