what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
