I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
