Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
