you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
