Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
