btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
