im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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