I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
