I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
