I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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