yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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