He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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