My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
