Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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