I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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