Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
