We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
