I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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