Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how can u be prego again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
