well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
