is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
