How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
