My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
