so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
