fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You can't special order awesome
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
