I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
