Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
