I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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