do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
