areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
