I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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