you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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