nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
