i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
