Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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