the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
