If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
