I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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