When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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