he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
