I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
