I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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