When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
