Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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