remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
