I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
