something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
