I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The adults are the big ones right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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