Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
